


Do we have to?

by ONeillwith2ls



Series: Fictober20 [23]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Upgrades, Episode: s04e05 Divide and Conquer, Episode: s04e10 Beneath the Surface, F/M, Shippy, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ONeillwith2ls/pseuds/ONeillwith2ls
Summary: I sometimes wonder why Jack caught onto Sam's meaning in Divide and Conquer when she was being vague about her meaning with the Zatarc machines and why even later in Beneatht he surface "Feeling--feelings" still meant so much to them, even when their memories are wiped, they still have something!This is where all those double meaning come from.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Series: Fictober20 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947181
Comments: 14
Kudos: 80





	Do we have to?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all the postivity! And suggested yesterday when Saar next sees Sam she's pregnant--I love it! That may get a second chapter once all of this is done!
> 
> This takes place after Upgrades S04E03 but before Divide and Conquer (S04E05). So it’s shippy S/J…
> 
> Unmistakably, unapologetically S/J.

Hearing the knock on the door, she opened it and looked at him silently, surprised that he was here. She supposed she should have expected this from any other man, but she thought he wouldn't want to talk about it.

"Hey." She greeted him.

"Hey." He said in return. "Can I come in? I think we need to talk." 

She could feel the blush come up her neck, and she protested out loud with "Do we have to?" He raised an eyebrow at her child-like answer. Sighing, she still stood aside for him to come in. The last thing she needed was nosy neighbours prying into her private life and only to have them confirm to any official looking idiot that came knocking asking questions about her that her commanding officer would visit her house alone.

She shut the door behind him, and he stood unsure of what to say so blurted, "Yah, I really think we should." Nodding, she turned in the hallway and started walking to the kitchen. Sighing deeply, Jack followed her without another word. 

Sam reached into the refrigerator and grabbed two beers, handing him one as he looked everywhere but at her. After a murmured thanks and a quick sip, he took a deep breath as if he was about to say something then changed his mind and shook his head, only to do it again. 

“This is awkward,” she said, playing with the label of her beer bottle.

“Ya think?” Jack responded, in his typical way which made her smile inside.

For a few minutes, they stood in her kitchen, not saying a word. Jack was by the kitchen door which led from the main hallway while Sam had retreated to stand at the counter next to her refrigerator.

"I'll go first." She volunteered. "Look, sir… umm… Jack--sir. Something has been happening between us for a while and I know, and you know what that is." She said before she took another sip of her beer. "I think you only realised what it was when you were on the other side of that forcefield. But for me, it’s been a little longer-- a lot longer actually so I've had some time to analyze it, and I think -- I've come up with a--a--umm-- working solution."

Jack's eyebrows went up in surprise before he managed to ask. "You have?"

She nodded and continued. "Sir, you are _the_ best commanding officer I've ever served under, and as biased as it currently sounds, given what we're talking about, it’s the truth. And SG-1 is the best frontline team and the SGC is where the action is." She told him. "I don't want to be transferred away from it--"

"Whoa!" He interjected. "Who’s talking about transfers?" 

"You know as well as I do, if we were even suspected of …” She waved her hand between them. “That they wouldn't get rid of the male commanding officer, instead they'd get rid of the dispensable female subordinate." 

He was about to object that he didn't see her so much as a subordinate, and in no way dispensable, he didn’t want her taking away from him--his team! But he also knew she was right. That despite how he saw her, everyone else on the base (with the exception of his team and General Hammond) only saw her as a female subordinate making her way up the ladder whatever way she could. Any tribunal would only see the appearance of a relationship between a male CO and female subordinate as an impropriety and would lay the hammer the hardest on the junior officer. 

Even if by some miracle, she wasn't discharged from service, she would still be busted down a rank or two and he would probably get a slap on the wrist. Even if he had come onto her first, he might be busted a rank but it was doubtful that his command would be taken from him. 

"And sir, as much as this--" she said, waving a hand between them, "Let's face it, this is something neither one of us can admit, given our working relationship and our military ranks."

Jack realized he was disappointed in what she was saying but wasn’t sure if it was because of what she said or that they shouldn’t pursue it because of the fraternization rules. But in the end, he knew she was right, perfectly so, but it still hurt to hear it. He nodded slowly as if he understood her but he needed to know something first. 

"Can I just establish what _this_ is?" He asked her, stepping closer. "We're talking about--" he said, taking the one step closer to her "—feeling… feelings?"

"Yes." She confirmed, feeling a little lightheaded as the gap between them was narrowing. She felt as though she should check the label on the beer for just how much alcohol content was in it.

"So, you feel feelings for me, and I feel feelings for you?" He asked, one hand coming to her hip. Sam’s knees seemed to weaken as Jack stepped close enough to her that she could smell his cologne. Subconsciously, her body leaned closer as he stood directly in front of her, their bodies almost touching. 

"Yes Sir." She said, not looking up from her beer.

His other arm came up and his finger tilted her head, so his brown eyes looked straight into her blue eyes. 

"Carter, I don't know if I can dismiss them like that. I don't think my feelings are going anywhere."

"Well, then I feel better," She admitted quietly before their noses met. "Because neither are mine." Her free hand came up to his opposite cheek to help her balance. Then before she could change her mind, he bent his head just as she tilted hers and their lips met. As soon as their lips touched, a hunger rose and their mouths opened and soon their tongues were exploring the other’s mouth.

His beer bottle somehow ended upright on her counter while she struggled to do the same thing and dropped it somewhere. The next thing she realized was that she was sitting on the counter with her legs wrapped around his waist and he was grinding softly against her as she pressed her body closer to his. When he raised finally his head, he stared hungrily at her kiss-swollen lips. His head dropped down and he nuzzled the curve of her neck which has always tantalized him. 

His lips whispered in her ear, "When did you know?" 

She brought herself to look him in the eyes when she whispered, "Edora." 

He felt a surge of not just guilt but affection! She'd known all this time! No wonder she had a speech prepared for the occasion. It hit him again of how she had spent those three months, night and day--his breath caught. “Sam!” she whispered. “Oh God!” The whole three months speed through his mind. She worked to bring home the man she loved! Him. 

Wow, now he felt like a first-class jerk. So, he did the only thing he knew how to, he kissed her neck in the delicate spot just behind her ear, she gasped and held him tighter before she found his lips again.

They stayed there for a while kissing heavily, petting lightly. They only broke apart when they both needed air. Sam's heart clenched as she moved back, knowing this had to end, she needed to stop it, before she lost all control. 

"Jack." She whispered, closing her eyes as Jack’s lips kissed their way down her neck. She bit into her bottom lip before she whispered "Sir."

He paused, breathing deeply, trying to gain control of his body and emotions. She could feel his face wrinkle in concentration. His arms dropped and held onto her waist for a moment while he looked up into her eyes and bitter chuckle left his lips. ‘Sir.’ He growled silently. He never knew until then how much he was starting to hate that honorific, especially when they came from her lips. She looked at him with her eyes wide. He could see she was in pain too. 

"Sam?" He whispered gently.

"I know." She told him, her nose finding his again and she told him, "Me too."

He held her again closely and asked her quietly. "M-maybe when this is all over, or I retire or something."

She felt the tears streaming down her cheeks and he delicately brushed them away with his thumbs. "Yeah, something." She confirmed.

He nodded. "That'd be something." He said, kissing her first on her nose, then forehead then in her hair.

"This is how it's got to be, unless you want me to resign--"

"No!" He said firmly. "No." He whispered. "We have something. That's enough." He told her. "It has to be." He added before they both nodded. He stepped back and she jumped off the counter.

"So, um--" he started.

"It stays here. In the room." She nodded. 

“I wonder if the room has any windows that we can open.”

Sam choked back her laugh as she shook her head, trying not to let more tears fall. She didn’t dare speak, afraid of what she would say. 

He reached for her one last time and kissed her hard and long before he pulled back and they were both breathless. "Sorry, we hadn't left the room yet." He whispered.

With a shaking hand, she softly smoothed her hand over imaginary wrinkles in his t-shirt, feeling his heartbeat against her hand. "Yah." She nodded. 

He closed his eyes, their foreheads touching and their hands gently holding the other in place before he kissed her again, one more time softy, before he let her go. By the time she could opened her eyes, he had retreated out of the kitchen. By the time she started breathing again, she heard the door open and close. Silent tears fell as she brushed her cheeks roughly as she realized that Jack left her. 

Taking deep breaths, she tried to regain her composure. She knew now what she was missing out on and that was more than just kissing. It was the feeling of not being alone and being loved.

Damn, she hated herself sometimes.


End file.
